1000_cranes | (no subject)

(no subject)

It isn't until later that she starts mulling it over. So what if she'd been sitting there looking like hell when she met Sam; why should it even matter? For a moment there, she forgot who she was. She forgot that she was Charlie Jones, that her little girl was playing on the floor and that her father, Cadi's father, was probably never coming back. Even though she still had wedding rings on, she'd consciously thought shit because there she was without make up when a handsome guy walked into her bar.

And realising that? It makes her feel like hell.

She ends up in the Hidden Hamlet, cross-legged on the grass with Cadi charging around, chasing Banon. Charlie does something that she hasn't done in a long, long time. She bends over her lap and she folds paper cranes.

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"Charlie, honestly, the longer you go on the less sharp the pain is and the less immediate the loss is, but you're never going to not feel guilty when you notice another guy. It's normal," he insists in a low voice.

She covers her face with hands and makes a miserable sound, muffled by her palms.

"I don't want to, Katie," she says. "I don't wan tto ever notice anybody but him."

"I know," she says softly, marveling that after years and another relationship, her heart still belongs to Jack.

"I felt the same way. I still sort of do. But it doesn't make it wrong or that you're a bad person or a bad wife. We're widows, really. That's what it feels like. All the rules are sort of tossed out the windows."

"I just feel like it hasn't been long enough," she says, wiping her nose on the back of one hand. "I just...He's a really sweet guy and he's so handsome, but he's not Ianto and he's never going to be you know?" She shakes her head. "And this is so, so stupid. Sam just works for me. It's not like it's even a possibility."

"If it doesn't feel long enough then go with that," she tries, not sure how to make this better. Every experience is so different. "But just know that no one will be Ianto. Any future anything has to be completely different or else it will just mess you up. But if you're not up for casual, I wouldn't go there just yet because I don't think you're ready for serious."

"I would really, really like to have sex," admits Charlie and then she buries her face in her hands again. "Oh, God, Katie - why does that make me feel like such a terrible person?"

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